conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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