And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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