all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
