dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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