I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
