I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
