Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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