His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
