Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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