when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
