All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
