we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
