The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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