she kept yelling 'call me bella'
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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