I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
