I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
