everyone is single if you try hard enough
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
