Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
They have beer where we have blood.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
