He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize