He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
