Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
