i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
