Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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