We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
