I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
