One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
