I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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