I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize