Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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