tell your sister to shave her snatch
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
