I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
