I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
