dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
