In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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