Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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