i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize