somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
