Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
