i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
