why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
