I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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