yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize