Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
