The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
