That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
