i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
