I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
handjob tips. give me some.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Randomize
