Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm like, not good at living.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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