We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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