last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
