Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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