Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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