I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
