mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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