I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
