Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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