She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
