Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize