I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
