I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
