I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
