I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
