I met the friendliest cop last night
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
