you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
