She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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