i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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