I wanna bring you to show and tell
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
