i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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