I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
