the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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