I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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