if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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