literally had 100 drinks last night.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
