Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
